Tools for Dealing with Irrational People
Are you one of those who, despite being naturally calm and patient, feel like a boiling pot when faced with people whose words lack logical foundations and who connect unrelated things? Like it or not, we frequently encounter such individuals in our daily or professional lives, and we’re often forced to endure them. Many of us bear a continuous burden simply because we must tolerate these individuals.
The reality is that understanding and managing such people is a skill and an art—one that some acquire gradually through experience. While psychiatry and psychology provide clinical criteria for diagnosing personality disorders like borderline, antisocial, and narcissistic, few resources teach us how to protect our minds and well-being from these individuals in everyday encounters, so our mental health and professional performance remain intact.
Let’s break down irrational people into some common types:
Those with whom logical conversation is impossible—they’re masters at derailing the conversation and ultimately tell you that you’re the one with poor communication skills!
Those who misunderstand your words.
Those who don’t respect boundaries and seem to enjoy stepping on your nerves.
Those who never try to see things from your perspective, even when you share your challenges and responsibilities with them.
Those who verbally or emotionally manipulate you.
Those who twist the truth or lie outright.
Those who, after every conversation, leave you focusing on the negative aspects of your life, making you feel down or dissatisfied.
Those who drive you crazy with silence, a sneer, or sarcastic comments.
Those who appear innocent but secretly pursue agendas that can harm you.
Here are some personal strategies I’ve found helpful for managing such people, though I admit I don’t always manage to apply them consistently—it’s a personality thing.
Limit Interaction Whenever Possible: While it may feel like dodging the issue, it’s surprisingly effective. Don’t be the “patient sufferer”; if needed, find an excuse to leave, redirect the conversation politely but firmly, or engage someone else in the dialogue.
Subtle Counter-Attacks: If you can’t shake off the irritating individual and they’re incessantly targeting you, distract them with something unsettling. Trying to reason with these individuals is usually futile, so be savvy. Casually mention a past disappointment of theirs, a professional success of their rival, or a goal they didn’t achieve. Do this with subtlety, so they think you brought it up by accident and didn’t mean to provoke.
Switch to Emotional Appeals: Some people aren’t inherently bad but are resistant to logic. In these cases, switch from a logical approach to an emotional one. For instance, if you can’t persuade a subordinate to avoid a certain behavior, appeal to their sense of loyalty by highlighting how the behavior could harm them or their family in the long run. Rather than directly pointing out their mistake, this approach gently underscores the consequences, leading them to your desired outcome.
Keep Calm and Brief: Don’t waste energy trying to persuade them. Say less and say it succinctly. This will not only conserve your energy but also make you less appealing as a target for the irrational person.
Don’t Expect to Change Them: Accept that you won’t bring an irrational person to the path of reason or help them see things from your perspective. Choose another approach instead.
Corner Them in a Group Setting: In a one-on-one conversation, an irrational person’s illogical arguments can be infuriating, but the same arguments can become a weakness in a group setting. Surrounded by others, their irrationality may invite ridicule and leave them less inclined to target you.
The above suggestions provide a mix of offense and defense against irrational individuals. Years of experience have proven their effectiveness. Perhaps you’ve had similar encounters or know other techniques. I’d be glad to hear your thoughts and stories.
Sometimes, in barren lands, flowers grow that can’t be found anywhere else. Likewise, in barren emotional landscapes, unique insights and inner strength may emerge, leading us to new beliefs about our potential.
Written on April 29, 2017
Ehsan Tarinia – Luxembourg